Why Me?
by Rosa's Ani
Summary: Lu is still feeling extremely upset about Mickey's death. But is that all that's wrong with her or is there something else to it?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 Lu tossed and turned under the comforter on her bed. She was having a nightmare about Mickey. Ever since he had been killed she had nightmares about his death. She couldn't sleep and she couldn't concentrate. All she did was think of him. It had been almost three weeks, but still she thought about him. She still felt his prescence within her.This morning was no different. She rose from bed and looked at her clock. It was only four in the morning, but now that she was up, it would be impossible for her to lay back down in that bed. She sighed to herself and walked into the kitchen. Lu sat at the table and stared out the window into the darkness of the city. She rested her head on the table and fell asleep. It seemed the kitchen was the only place she didn't have trouble sleeping. This was probably because it was the room that least reminded her of Mickey. About an hour later Lu woke up again. She looked at the clock in her living room. It was a little after five. She had to be at work by seven. So, she walked into the bathroom, warmed the shower and stepped in. The water washed away the tears that streamed down her face as she thought more and more about Mickey. She walked back into the kitchen after her shower and searched the cabinets for something to eat. Lu stared at all the boxes. She just wasn't hungry. She'd felt sick to her stomach lately and this morning was no different. She always brushed it off thinking it was how her body reacted to her being so upset and later it got better. She figured the same was true for this morning. Marc was at his dad's house, so Lu was home alone. She had been extra cautious following Mickey's murder. She was constantly afraid that Aneesha would come back for her. It gave her an eery feeling to just sit there all alone in the dark, so she walked out to her car and drove to the clinic. "Hey kid,": Lana said as Lu walked throught the door. "Hey Lana," Lu replied. "You look awful, kid. What's the matter?" "Oh nothing. Just tired." Lu walked past Lana and opened the door to her office. She took her lab coat from the hook and slipped it on. Lu sat down and looked at some files that were laying on her desk. She pulled the papers out of the top folder. She glanced at the multiple pages and signed the last page with a few scribbles of her pen. She put her hand on her stomach and went to sleep. "Lu, Amber's here," Lana called as you walked into Lu's office. "What?" Lu said sleepily as she raised her head ffrom her desk. "Kid, you ok? You look awful." "Yeah, I'm just kinda tired. You know I haven't been able to sleep since I lost Mickey." "I know, baby. But, you look worse today," "Really, Lana, it's ok. Now you said Amber's here?" "Yeah, want me to bring her into the exam room?" Lu nodded and Lana walked out convinced that Lu wasn't as good as she said she was. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Oh," Lu sighed as she reached for the coffee pot. "You alright, Delgado?" Andy asked. "Yeah, I'm fine," Lu replied with a sigh. "I'm just really tired." "You sure, Delgado?" "Yeah Andy, I'm sure" "All right," Andy said as she reached over Lu to grab a spoon to stir her coffee. Lu quickly finished preparing her own coffee and went back to the desk. "Kid," Lana called. "You got a load out here." Lu shook her head as she looked at all of the women in her waiting room. "Alright, who's first," she shouted above the noise.

"Lu, I told you I was takin' 'em everyday," a young woman told Lu as she sat on the exam table. "Shenae, I can't believe that. There's no way your pain could be this bad if you're taking them everyday." "But Lu, I told ya I would." "And, you aren't. I can't give you more. Do you know how powerful those things are?" "Not very if they ain't helpin' me none!" "I'm sorry, but I can't help you get more." "Yeah, well you should be sorry. Accusing me of being a liar!" Shenae shouted as she stormed out of Lu's exam room.

"Lu, I just saw Shenae storm out of here," Lana said. "What's goin' on?" "She's mad at me because I won't give her anymore painkillers. It's obvious that she hasn't been taking them everyday and I think she's selling them." "You sure, Kid? Shenae sounds like a good kid." "She used to be, but lately, I don't know." "You look like you're really stressed out over this. Maybe you should take a break." "I think I beep, beep." Nevermind, I gotta run."

"Who paged Delgado?" "Over here Lu," the ER nurse called. "We got a 27 year old female in full arrest." "What happened?" "Auto versus pedestrian." Lu sighed as she looked at the woman. She was badly bruised and barely breathing. "Hand me an 8..." Lu paused mid-sentence and put her hand to her stomach. "You ok?" The nurse asked. "Yeah," Lu replied weakly. "Hand me the..." Lu paused again. "You need to sit down," the nurse told Lu as she lead her to a chair. "Doctor Kenney can take care of this." Lu followed the nurse to a chair near the nurses station and sat holding her stomach looking very pale.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Baby," Lana called as she ran through the door to the nurses station. "What happened?" "It's nothing, Lana," Lu replied. "Really. I just felt a little sick to my stomach. I haven't really been eating lately and I think with working so hard it's making me sick. It's nothing, really." "I don't know, kid," Lana said. "Lana may not be a doctor kid, but I know when you're hiding something, Lu." "Lana, I'm not hiding anything! I'm fine!" Sigh Lu sighed as she grabbed the door frame for support. "Woah!" she said. "What happened?" Lana asked. "I got a little dizzy. Probably from not eating." "Lu, you need to get checked out."

"So Delgado, what's going on?" Andy asked as Lu sat on the exam table in her office. "I've been really, really dizzy today and sick to my stomach. I haven't eaten since last night, but I haven't been hungry. I'm tired too, but I can't sleep at night." "You're still really upset about Mickey, aren't you?" "Yeah," Lu replied. "And, I thnk mixed with stress, it's making me sick." "Well, I'm going to draw some blood and run a few tests. I want you to sit here and rest while we wait for the results." Lu just rolled up her sleeve and sat with a million thoughts racing through her head.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Delgado! Delgado!" Andy called as she gently shoke Lu. "What?" Lu asked sleepily. "I've got your test results." Lu jumped up and her heart started racing. _"Oh please don't let it be true?" _Lu thought to herself. "Honey, you're pregnant." "Oh my God," Lu sighed nervously, biting her lip. "Come on and lay back for me and I'll do an ultrasound." "Ok," Lu replied as she slowly slid back onto the table and layed down.

"There's the heartbeat. It looks very healthy and strong." Andy said looking up at the ultrasound moniter. "How far along am I?" Lu asked. "It looks like you're about five weeks or so along." Lu shook her head in acknowledgement.

Andy turned off the machine and grabbed a cloth to wipe the gel off of Lu's stomach. "Delgado, I think you need you need to go home." "But, my patients. I can't just..." "I'll take care of them. You need to go home." "But I..." "Delgado!" "Hey, what's all this yelling about?" This was Lana. She walked into Andy's office and looked back and forth between Andy and Lu. "Delgado's pregnant and she won't go home. She needs to go home and rest." "i agree kid. You need to go home." At that moment, Lu knew she wasn't going to win. She shook her head slowly and walked to her office where she gathered her things to go home.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lu grabbed her keys out of her purse and unlocked the door to her apartment. She pushed the door open and looked around. It wasn't anything special, but it was home and had been home ever since Marc was born. She flung off her shoes and flopped onto the couch. Lu sighed remembering the times when she had flopped down on that very couch after a long night off being up with baby Marc. _"Can I really do this again?" _She though to herself. _"Can I be a single mom again?" _This thought really bothered her. She knew that she'd have Marc, but he was just becoming a teenager and she didn't want to tie him down with her problems. _"And what if this baby remeinds me of Mickey? I couldn't handle that everyday." _ Lu sighed and layed down on the couch.

"Mom! Mom! It's Marc!" Lu turned over to face her son. "Hey honey. How are you?" "I'm fine Mom. What's wrong? Why are you home so early?" Lu took a deep breath. She knew she'd have to tell Marc that she was pregnant. She didn't know how he'd take the news. "Sit down honey," Lu said patting the coushin next to her on the couch. Marc sat down next to his Mom and gave her a wierd look. He knew she had something bad to tell him. "Marc, you know Mickey and I were dating before he was killed." Marc shook his head. "And, you know we slept together a couple of times." Marc shook his head again a little enbarrassed that his Mom was talking about this. "Well honey, I felt a little sick today and I got really dizzy. So Andy, Dr. Campbell, did some tests and well... I'm pregnant." Marc stared at his Mom. He was shocked and speechless.

"You know Mom, I've been thinking about the baby," Marc said during dinner. "And I think that we could do a pretty good job of raising it." Lu smiled in between bites of pizza. "You really think so?" "Yeah, Mom." Marc smiled. He got up and hugged his Mom. She smiled even bigger as she hugged her son. She felt happy for the first time today. _"Maybe I can do this," _Lu thought.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Vomit Vomit Vomit "Oh my gosh," Lu cried. "I feel awful." Lu sat on the floor in the bathroom of her apartment. She was constantly throwing up. "Mom!" Marc called knocking on the door. "Are you alright?" "Yeah honey. It's just morning sickness. You go get ready for school." "Is there anything I can do for you, Mom?" "No baby." Marc stared at the door for a minute and then walked back to his room. Lu leaned against the wall for a few more seconds before getting up to take a shower. "Why me?" she said to herself. "Why is everything bad happening to me?" Lu let the water from the shower wash the tears that streamed down her cheeks.

After that she walked into the kitchen where she saw her son holding a frying pan and coffee pot. "Hey Mom," he said with a smile. "I know you don't feel good, so I decided I'd make you breakfast." Lu took one wif of the smells in the kitchen and put one hand to her mouth and the other to her stomach and ran to the bathroom. She walked back out a few minutes later flush and teary eyed. "I'm sorry, Marc. I know you were trying to do something nice, but I'm just gonna head to work. Those smells are making me sick." "Ok Mom," Marc said walking over to hug his mom. "I understand."

"Was that Delgado?" Andy asked when she saw a rather tall and thin woman with a trail of light brown hair flowing after her run through the front door of the clinic. "I think so," Lana said. "I don't know where she's going, though." Andy and Lana looked at each other and sighed. Just then, Lu walked out of the ladies room and tried to sneak into her office unseen by Lana and Andy. "Hey kid!" Lana yelled. Lu turned around with a look of defeat on her face. "Were ya bein' chased when you got here? Cause you went runnin' through that door." Lu rolled her eyes at Lana. Then Andy came up and patted Lu on the back. "You running a race, Delgado?" Lu sighed agrevated. "If you must know, I have morning sickness. I had to throw up." She sighed again and stomped off toward her office. "This is going to be fun," Andy mumbled to Lana. Lana shook her head in absolute agreement.

Lu settled into her desk and picked up some charts. She sat them back down again and stared around her office. _"What if I can't handle this?" _Lu thought to herself. _"Maybe I'm not ready to have another baby. At least not without Mickey." _ Lu was drawn out of her thoughts by her pager. She got up and ran to the ER.

"Lu," Nick called. "It's one of yours." Lu stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the thirteen year old girl laying unconcious on the gurney. "What happened?" "She was at cheerleading practice and some of her teamates dropped her out of a stunt. She hit her head and she didn't get up. She's fallen before, but this time it was different. This time she didn't move. She didn't talk or anything. She didn't get up!" The coach who accompanied the girl explained. "She's regained slight conciousness," the EMT added. "Alright," Lu said. "Let's get a nuero consult. She may have brain damage. Let's X-ray the neck and back too." She leaned over the girl. "Katie, can you heat me?" She tried to shake her head yes. "Don't move your head, you may have bad neck injuries. Can you tell me what hurts?" "My head and neck and wrist and my knees." Lu nodded and looked at Nick. "Let's get an X-ray of the wrist and knees too." the nurse nodded and wrote the orders on the chart. "We're gonna take good care of you Katie. It's gonna be ok."

"That must be really hard, Lu," Nick said. "Seeing someone you know like that." "Yeah," she replied. "Especially since Katie's Mom already almost lost her once before in a bad horseback riding accident. " Lu started crying. Everytime she had a patient who was close to dying she thought about how she felt when she saw Mickey like that. She looked down at her stomach and thought about how she needed this baby. It was a little piece of Mickey that she'd always have with her.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A few weeks later, Lu sat in Andy's exam room in a hospital gown. It was her first OB appointment. She was really nervous about doing it by herself. She really wanted Mickey to be sitting there with her. Her eyes grew misty as she waited. "Sorry I'm late Delgado," Andy said as she walked through the door. "I got caught up in the ER. Let's get started. Can you lay back for me?" Lu nodded as she layed down on the table. Andy took the bottle of ultrasound gel and squeezed some onto Lu's stomach before she ran the wand over it. She pointed out the baby's heartbeat to Lu when she found it. "You're about eight weeks along and the baby is very healthy," Andy said looking at the screen. "Thank God," Lu whispered to herself.

Andy shut off the machine and grabbed a towel to whip Lu's stomach. "Why don't you sit up for me? I want to talk to you." Lu pushed herself up and flung her legs over the edge of the exam table. "How are you doing?" Andy asked. "How are you handling the pregnancy?" Lu just stared at Andy for a minute and nervously bit her lip. She couldn't help but cry. "I just don't know how much longer I can take this. I don't want to be pregnant alone, but I really need this baby. It's a part of Mickey. And God knows I miss him." Andy reached out and hugged Lu. "I'm going to refer you to a counselor, Delgado. I want you to go and talk to her. She's very good a handling women in your situation." Lu hesitated but she took the number from Andy and waited for her to leave so she could get dressed. Then, she walked out toward her office.

"How's it going kid?" Lana asked when she saw Lu walk out of Andy's office. "Ok," Lu said before walking into her office. Lana looked at her obviously doubting what she had just heard. She got up and walked toward Lu's office. "Yes, I'd like to make an appointment with Dr. Rainy," Lu said into the receiver of her phone. "Is tomorrow alright?... Lu Delgado... Sure, I'll be there at ten... Thank you." Lana sighed when she heard the receiver hit the phone. _"Poor kid," _she thought to herself. _"I've never seen her this bad off before." _


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Lu sat in the waiting room of Dr. Rainy's office. She tapped her fingers against her knee and constantly shifted around in her chair. "Ms. Delgado," a nurse said holding out a clipboard. "Can you fill these insurance forms out please?" Lu took the clipboard from her and started filling out the forms. Before she knew it, the nurse was back to take her in to see Dr. Rainy. "I'll take that miss," she said motioning toward the clipboard. "Dr. Rainy's expectng you. You can go right on in." "Thanks," Lu replied.

She carefully opened the door and walk into the office. A young blonde woman in a lab coat sat behind a cherry wood desk. She glanced up and smiled when she heard Lu walk in. "Please, come sit down," she said. "I'm Kayla Rainy," she said extending her hand to Lu after she sat down. "I'm Lu Delgado." "Lu, what an interesting name, is that short for something?" "It's Luisa, but I prefered to be called Lu." "Alright Lu. I'm guessing you filled out the insurance papers in the waiting room, right.? Lu nodded. Now I need to fill out personal and medical history forms. Then, we can go over to the couches and talk." "Alright," Lu said.

Dr. Rainy began reading down the list and Lu quickly answered her questions.

Full name: Luisa Magdalena Delgado

Birthdate: November 18. 1970

Medications: No

Health Problems: No

A few questions later Dr. Rainy got up and led Lu over to the couches where they could be more comfortable to talk.

"So why don't you tell me a little about your self, Lu." "OK, Well, I was born and raised here in Philly. My mom died when I was 10 and I never knew my dad. Isabel, my grandmother, raised me after that. I met Bill when I was in high school. We dated for a while until I got pregnant. I had my son Marc when I was sixteen." "Wow. And now you're a doctor." "Yeah. It took a lot of work for me to get through medical school. Bein' a single mom and all. But, I'm glad I did."

"Now. I'm aware that you're pregnant again. Yes?" "Yeah," Lu replied almost crying. "And the father, he was a fireman?" "Yeah he was. He's dead," Lu said her voice quivering. "Can you tell me what happened?" Lu began crying. "A patient of mine...she was very troubled and I knew she needed help. S...S...So I got her admited to the Phych Ward at the hospital and she was angry. The doctors couldn't find a reason to hold her, so they let her go. She was really, really angry at me for thinking she was crazy. She found my apartment and she...she waited for me with a gun. Mickey and I were coming home from a date and I invited him in. That's when I saw her. S...S...S...She pullled the gun and Mickey grabbed me to shield me. A...A...And she shot him. He died at the hospital. I did everything to could to save him, but he died. HE DIED!"

Dr. Rainy put her arm around Lu to try and comfort her. "I know how hard that must have been to see him die," she said with consolation in her voice. "It's obvious that you loved him very much. And now, the baby. You have this constant reminder of Mickey in your life. Have you made a decision as to what you're going to do? About the pregnancy, I mean." Lu looked at Dr. Rainy, "I'm going to have the baby," she answered with slight anger and agression in her voice. "I can't not have it. I...I...It reminds me of Mickey. I need this piece of Mickey in my life. I know it seems like the wrong thing to do, being constantly reminded of Mickey. But Mickey was my life. I loved him almost as much as I love my son. And soon my son's going to be moving away to go to college. And then what? What will I have then? HUH? TELL ME! TELL ME!" Lu started to cry and scream hysterically.

Dr. Rainy stepped back to give Lu some room to vent. "You can't think of your life like that. Yes Mickey's gone. And yes you miss him and you have every right to. But, he wasn;t your whole live. You have so much else in your life. Your son will still be there for you no matter how away from you he is. And you have your work. I've heard your a wonderful doctor who's done great things in women's medicine. Not only that, but it's obvious you've got friends who care about you. My nurse told me a friend referred you here. It's obvious she cares about you if she's thinks you need someone to talk to someone. Lu thought about what she'd just heard. "Maybe you're right," she said to Dr. Rainy. "Maybe I'm over emotional because I'm still in mourning for someone I loved so dearly. I never really looked much beyond Mickey."

After a little more talk and discussion, Lu walked toward her car and drove home where she could wait for her son to come home. She knew he and the rest of the people she knew really did care for her and they'd be there for her no matter what happened.


End file.
